Movement.
Ow!
stretching, straining grunting and a sweating.
Loridana, our movement teacher, is determined to lose 5 pounds before Christmas and we have to suffer as a result, but smile while we suffer.
I like to think I'm normal and therefore frown when i suffer.
I'm actually quite enjoying the ab crunching workout and the hip flexing but just please don't ask me to grin whilst doing pressups.
The body is not built for that.
Neutral Mask
Yeah, fun to wave goodbye to a friend to play fire and water.
I've studied a bit of neutral mask with other teachers and Philippe is similar but very different. The point is not to get it right. Nope, rather to experiment. Wow! experiment, but what do i do with the boy scout in me who wants to please? to get it right? I like getting it right, then i can tick box, but no to fuck is the point here, to be bad, to be thrown back into the dirt so you have to dust yourself off and crawl out the shit again and each time find the pleasure to do so until one day, further down the line you start to find your way, your freedom, when you work for your fun, your pleasure when you are set free from the boundaries of right and wrong or trying to please the teacher, then you can be free. non?
Clown
S
t
i
l
l
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
No ground in sight.
Maybe I'll grow wings.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Yargh
BiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIig
FLOP.
Damnit when will this click.
No more news.
Whay am I not funny?
FLOP.
Damnit when will this click.
No more news.
Whay am I not funny?
Monday, November 7, 2011
A much needed weekend of loafing around the house, yes i had a lot of marking to do for uni but thats well underway and should all be inon time.
Phew!
New workshop day today, the Neutral Mask.
I've done a couple of intensive workshops in this before and the work always surprises me, today the biggest surprise was the masks that Philippe used, white plastic copies of the sartori masks.
He can see the faces better apparently.
Not sure what I've noticed in others but for a couple of seconds I felt something out there.
Presence.
As if I was moving the room somehow, very difficult to explain though, it was either a brief moment of vertigo or else something other.
Like I say I can't really explain it.
On reflection I think that I was trying to recreate the work I hae done with other teachers and maybe that was what Philippe spotted when he said that "Mak!(No thats not a typo) Mak! Sometimes he has something, sometimes he is tall sometimes it falls, sometimes it is actor studio of my balls."
It is the something that I need to discover, the great unknown. Is this something presence? Is this something living in the moment? Is this something the sense of openness that we actors strive for? Is this it?
Seeing the world anew, being enchanted by life, tapping in to life and its flow.
And to do this on stage, is this not the real power of actors?
Not to moralise about society through new writing, scrutinising systems with intelligent texts penned by bright young playwrights. No!
Is not the reason we are dangerous our capacity to live in the moment infront of an audience. For if we can do this and at the same time show our audiences beauty and love then maybe they won't stand for ugliness, fear and hate anymore?
Woah.
Oof!
Sorry I just tripped and fell off my soap box.
What will i discover on this neutral mask journey?
I don't know but when it all finishes the real adventure begins.
Clown
trid a number with thomas, it flopped, he owes me a beer.
Philippe said that when we come out we sell ourselves as bad students. we don't pretend that we are good, even though we are bad.
I tried to tell him that when i got out it felt awful that the audience don't laugh. that i felt bad.
He said "Then you are not clown and you don't understand what i say."
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
He got us to both go off and re-enter and say "Philippe I understand completely" I did
"Not loud enough"
I said it again louder.
Laughter from the floor.
Something happened a suppressed half smile crept on my face and I felt lighter, like my mind was hovering somewhere in the space above me.
Strange to say I know but thats the only way I can think of describing it right now.
"In zis way you can discover something"
Holy fuck, what does that mean I have to have an out of body experience every time i go on stage.
But then I guess that's what it is. I am using me but at the same time I am not me. Not the day to day Mark that goes to Carrefour to but a birthday card and some biscuits, nor the same Mark that worries if my filling is goiing to fall out while I'm in France away from an NHS dentist and have to pay hundreds of Euros to get it sorted, non. I am me times funny or me times stupid or me times ridiculous.
Now the question is how do I find this me again?
Phew!
New workshop day today, the Neutral Mask.
I've done a couple of intensive workshops in this before and the work always surprises me, today the biggest surprise was the masks that Philippe used, white plastic copies of the sartori masks.
He can see the faces better apparently.
Not sure what I've noticed in others but for a couple of seconds I felt something out there.
Presence.
As if I was moving the room somehow, very difficult to explain though, it was either a brief moment of vertigo or else something other.
Like I say I can't really explain it.
On reflection I think that I was trying to recreate the work I hae done with other teachers and maybe that was what Philippe spotted when he said that "Mak!(No thats not a typo) Mak! Sometimes he has something, sometimes he is tall sometimes it falls, sometimes it is actor studio of my balls."
It is the something that I need to discover, the great unknown. Is this something presence? Is this something living in the moment? Is this something the sense of openness that we actors strive for? Is this it?
Seeing the world anew, being enchanted by life, tapping in to life and its flow.
And to do this on stage, is this not the real power of actors?
Not to moralise about society through new writing, scrutinising systems with intelligent texts penned by bright young playwrights. No!
Is not the reason we are dangerous our capacity to live in the moment infront of an audience. For if we can do this and at the same time show our audiences beauty and love then maybe they won't stand for ugliness, fear and hate anymore?
Woah.
Oof!
Sorry I just tripped and fell off my soap box.
What will i discover on this neutral mask journey?
I don't know but when it all finishes the real adventure begins.
Clown
trid a number with thomas, it flopped, he owes me a beer.
Philippe said that when we come out we sell ourselves as bad students. we don't pretend that we are good, even though we are bad.
I tried to tell him that when i got out it felt awful that the audience don't laugh. that i felt bad.
He said "Then you are not clown and you don't understand what i say."
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
He got us to both go off and re-enter and say "Philippe I understand completely" I did
"Not loud enough"
I said it again louder.
Laughter from the floor.
Something happened a suppressed half smile crept on my face and I felt lighter, like my mind was hovering somewhere in the space above me.
Strange to say I know but thats the only way I can think of describing it right now.
"In zis way you can discover something"
Holy fuck, what does that mean I have to have an out of body experience every time i go on stage.
But then I guess that's what it is. I am using me but at the same time I am not me. Not the day to day Mark that goes to Carrefour to but a birthday card and some biscuits, nor the same Mark that worries if my filling is goiing to fall out while I'm in France away from an NHS dentist and have to pay hundreds of Euros to get it sorted, non. I am me times funny or me times stupid or me times ridiculous.
Now the question is how do I find this me again?
Friday, November 4, 2011
How am I funny?
Friday p.m. – post school. Feeling fragile, frustrated and about as funny as a funeral. This clown stuff is hard. Put Marvin Gaye on the I-pod to try and write my way out of these unfunny blues. Okay, so far I’ve discovered that the audience like me when I get beaten up. From the cabaret duo I do with Alice I kind of new this already. There was one moment when Philippe said that I was the second worst, not the worst and I let out an excited cry so I guess that means they like me when I’m excited, or is it when I react to his provocation? I can’t pin it down. Whatever it is when I try to find it again onstage I am normally drummed off within a few seconds. So far, I am pretty sure they don’t like me when I talk. How the hell am I funny on stage? Todays exercise came in 2 parts, first we had to pretend to be a doctor using only the line “Come in, take off your clothes.” There were a couple of successes but he had banged everybody off within ¾ of an hour. Then we got into the meat of todays lesson; The fun to pretend to be each others clowns. We swapped costumes and 1 by 1 came in to music then had to pretend to be each other.
Dan did a really bad impersonation of me he ambled on, shook his tits and contorted his body in a strange manner, Steve had mentioned to me that I have a habit of collapsing inwards when I flop, my body obviously says what I am experiencing even though I try to hide it with smiles and I think that this what Dan was going for. Maybe it’s my mood today but I did get a little offended, surely there’s more to me than my wobbly bits. Okay, admittedly since Chunk truffle shuffled his way through the Goonies, a fat lad jiggling is generally funny but is that it. Will people pay me for that? I doubt it. The other reason is that whereas several people, myself included pretended to be Dan because he has begun discovering a lot in class and was fun to play, it seems that I like some others have discovered a lot less and so there is a lot less to play with.
At the end of class Philippe talked about us needing to enter into a contract with the audience, that we had to sell more. I don’t have much of an idea what this means. I can’t work it out we are not a character, we are not ourselves we have to sell parts of ourselves to make the audience laugh. ??? My brains all fuddled thinking about it, trying to understand it, to grasp this elusive thing called clown that strikes for a few seconds a week but the rest of the time is hiding in the shadows laughing at me. Maybe I’m just thinking about it too much, trying to intellectualise pleasure is like trying to describe the taste of a peach to someone who has only ever eaten potatoe.
Le Jeu ended today, it wasn’t what I expected from the module but it has been a brilliant few weeks, I’m still a world away from understanding all its lessons but a few have sunk into my head, if not my body. Still with 6 weeks left of school there is plenty of time to discover I just have to keep getting up. I want to discover what I want to do. How I can play. How I have fun. I’m a bit lost right now. The path has disappeared. I’m fumbling through the undergrowth, the vines are starting to grow up and around me, binding my legs and creeping up my body. I need a sword to hack them off and find the path below. But not the same path. A new path. The path to my imagination and fun. The road to creativity.
Dan did a really bad impersonation of me he ambled on, shook his tits and contorted his body in a strange manner, Steve had mentioned to me that I have a habit of collapsing inwards when I flop, my body obviously says what I am experiencing even though I try to hide it with smiles and I think that this what Dan was going for. Maybe it’s my mood today but I did get a little offended, surely there’s more to me than my wobbly bits. Okay, admittedly since Chunk truffle shuffled his way through the Goonies, a fat lad jiggling is generally funny but is that it. Will people pay me for that? I doubt it. The other reason is that whereas several people, myself included pretended to be Dan because he has begun discovering a lot in class and was fun to play, it seems that I like some others have discovered a lot less and so there is a lot less to play with.
At the end of class Philippe talked about us needing to enter into a contract with the audience, that we had to sell more. I don’t have much of an idea what this means. I can’t work it out we are not a character, we are not ourselves we have to sell parts of ourselves to make the audience laugh. ??? My brains all fuddled thinking about it, trying to understand it, to grasp this elusive thing called clown that strikes for a few seconds a week but the rest of the time is hiding in the shadows laughing at me. Maybe I’m just thinking about it too much, trying to intellectualise pleasure is like trying to describe the taste of a peach to someone who has only ever eaten potatoe.
Le Jeu ended today, it wasn’t what I expected from the module but it has been a brilliant few weeks, I’m still a world away from understanding all its lessons but a few have sunk into my head, if not my body. Still with 6 weeks left of school there is plenty of time to discover I just have to keep getting up. I want to discover what I want to do. How I can play. How I have fun. I’m a bit lost right now. The path has disappeared. I’m fumbling through the undergrowth, the vines are starting to grow up and around me, binding my legs and creeping up my body. I need a sword to hack them off and find the path below. But not the same path. A new path. The path to my imagination and fun. The road to creativity.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Another quickie.
Felt a bit blue today, don't know why, could be the soggy weather that hasn't lifted all day, just a grey drizzle.
Le Jeu is coming to an end, that could be a part of it.
Could be that I've still no job to return home to when all this ends.
No job, no money, welcome to the wonderful fantabulous credit crunch double dip recession party!
Credit crunch? Double dip? are they trying to make these things sound like chocolates so they are easier to swallow?
A-Ha.
Yes, right there folks you see why I am not getting many laughs in clown.
But do you?
The realisation that I have been on the verge of realising for some time now is that it doesn't matter what the clown does or says, none of it, it is the moment after he does it that counts.
The pleasure that follows the moment after the joke, no matter how bad or old or half baked it is, when the clown looks out into the audience for someone to say, wow you are a great joke teller, tell me another.
The pleasure to pretend and to look out for someone to say hey you really are spiderman, or a pirate or frankenstein.
I understand these things in my head now to achieve them on stage.
This is the challenge.
Felt a bit blue today, don't know why, could be the soggy weather that hasn't lifted all day, just a grey drizzle.
Le Jeu is coming to an end, that could be a part of it.
Could be that I've still no job to return home to when all this ends.
No job, no money, welcome to the wonderful fantabulous credit crunch double dip recession party!
Credit crunch? Double dip? are they trying to make these things sound like chocolates so they are easier to swallow?
A-Ha.
Yes, right there folks you see why I am not getting many laughs in clown.
But do you?
The realisation that I have been on the verge of realising for some time now is that it doesn't matter what the clown does or says, none of it, it is the moment after he does it that counts.
The pleasure that follows the moment after the joke, no matter how bad or old or half baked it is, when the clown looks out into the audience for someone to say, wow you are a great joke teller, tell me another.
The pleasure to pretend and to look out for someone to say hey you really are spiderman, or a pirate or frankenstein.
I understand these things in my head now to achieve them on stage.
This is the challenge.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A postcard home
Hi all,
Just been checking facebook and have seen the photos my brother posted of my Nana's 85th birthday in Summer and am feeling a little nostalgic for family, I truly hope all this training leads to something.
Am reminded of a conversation I had with my Grandad a few weeks back where he basically said that he loved me but that he wanted to see what all this was leading too.
I understand why he says this, he is from a generation that got a job for life, in fact when he was my age he had 3 kids, a wife and a steady job and 20 something years down the line he retired.
And me?
I'm 33, back in school praying that when I leave my career finally kicks off and like so many of us I want to prove to something to my nearest and dearest, to say;
Hey.
Look.
Look at what I did.
Look what I made.
Look at the smiles on the faces of all these people.
Grandad, look. I did that. Me and my friends up here on stage.
Do you see them Grandad?
They all paid their hard earned money to come and watch us.
Do you hear them shouting and clapping?
That's because they love us.
Do you see them Grandad?
Do you?
And this is a big part of Le Jeu, the pleasure to play in major, for Mummy, Daddy, Nana and Grandad and all the audience.
Playing to be loved.
To be here at school with Monsieur's guidance is to explore how we can be beautiful and how to be loved by the audience.
I haven't found it yet, but then if this problem were solvable in 3 weeks then there wouldn't be any need for 2 yeqrs of school.
I hope to show you, one day, Grandad how all this time and money and effort has paid off.
One day.
I just hope you are around to see it.
Just been checking facebook and have seen the photos my brother posted of my Nana's 85th birthday in Summer and am feeling a little nostalgic for family, I truly hope all this training leads to something.
Am reminded of a conversation I had with my Grandad a few weeks back where he basically said that he loved me but that he wanted to see what all this was leading too.
I understand why he says this, he is from a generation that got a job for life, in fact when he was my age he had 3 kids, a wife and a steady job and 20 something years down the line he retired.
And me?
I'm 33, back in school praying that when I leave my career finally kicks off and like so many of us I want to prove to something to my nearest and dearest, to say;
Hey.
Look.
Look at what I did.
Look what I made.
Look at the smiles on the faces of all these people.
Grandad, look. I did that. Me and my friends up here on stage.
Do you see them Grandad?
They all paid their hard earned money to come and watch us.
Do you hear them shouting and clapping?
That's because they love us.
Do you see them Grandad?
Do you?
And this is a big part of Le Jeu, the pleasure to play in major, for Mummy, Daddy, Nana and Grandad and all the audience.
Playing to be loved.
To be here at school with Monsieur's guidance is to explore how we can be beautiful and how to be loved by the audience.
I haven't found it yet, but then if this problem were solvable in 3 weeks then there wouldn't be any need for 2 yeqrs of school.
I hope to show you, one day, Grandad how all this time and money and effort has paid off.
One day.
I just hope you are around to see it.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
bruised arms and legs but at least the ego's healing
Just a quick one tonight folks,
movement, spent the morning basically slamming ourselves into the floor in a relaxed manner, learning to fall is difficult only when you think about it, throw yourself down without fear and it seems to go okay, at least in class, the browning skin round my knees and elbows tells a different story but I guess thats part of it.
Oh by the way if you want to see a genius 1 man slapstick act look up Larry Grizwold comic diver on you tube, the guy is amazing.
You have to wonder where he learned it.
le Jeu,
today we worked on a burlesque exercise, i half expected Michiko to run in with pom poms and titty tassles, but oh lala my preconceptions are wrong, apparently this scene from the marx brothers night at the opera is a great example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZvugebaT6Q as is this from Laurel and Hardy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1Ek1ifTuQw&feature=related
What I understood was that Burlesque is rooted in reality with 1 thing that is abnormal, that thing gets bigger and bigger and more and more out of control.
Damn there is so much to learn.
Clown;
Yesterday the lion tamer was eaten by the lion, today Monsieur Loyal says you have to eep the curtain up nfor 20 minutes.
The clown he thinks Oh lala its not easy but if I do it I will become a star.
I got up first and got to choose my partner, I chose Katie, we managed 20 seconds but, what we didn't pick up on was that the game was in the exercise. Why didn't we keep checking the clock, there is a bloody massive one in the space, duh. the annoying thing is that as Philippe was explaining the exercise I pictured myself checking my watch, but up there is a totally different matter.
Katie found some stuff which I was really glad to see.
We started off terribly but we got a second go which went just as bad but after the drum boomed a second time we fought to stay there a bit longer and we got some laughs.
I saw the fixed point in action too with Dan and Ammo today, How when 1 is moving around a lot it is so important that the other actor is still, without this the stage becomes a soup as a certtain spanish theatre teacher would say. I want steak and chips, not soup.
movement, spent the morning basically slamming ourselves into the floor in a relaxed manner, learning to fall is difficult only when you think about it, throw yourself down without fear and it seems to go okay, at least in class, the browning skin round my knees and elbows tells a different story but I guess thats part of it.
Oh by the way if you want to see a genius 1 man slapstick act look up Larry Grizwold comic diver on you tube, the guy is amazing.
You have to wonder where he learned it.
le Jeu,
today we worked on a burlesque exercise, i half expected Michiko to run in with pom poms and titty tassles, but oh lala my preconceptions are wrong, apparently this scene from the marx brothers night at the opera is a great example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZvugebaT6Q as is this from Laurel and Hardy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1Ek1ifTuQw&feature=related
What I understood was that Burlesque is rooted in reality with 1 thing that is abnormal, that thing gets bigger and bigger and more and more out of control.
Damn there is so much to learn.
Clown;
Yesterday the lion tamer was eaten by the lion, today Monsieur Loyal says you have to eep the curtain up nfor 20 minutes.
The clown he thinks Oh lala its not easy but if I do it I will become a star.
I got up first and got to choose my partner, I chose Katie, we managed 20 seconds but, what we didn't pick up on was that the game was in the exercise. Why didn't we keep checking the clock, there is a bloody massive one in the space, duh. the annoying thing is that as Philippe was explaining the exercise I pictured myself checking my watch, but up there is a totally different matter.
Katie found some stuff which I was really glad to see.
We started off terribly but we got a second go which went just as bad but after the drum boomed a second time we fought to stay there a bit longer and we got some laughs.
I saw the fixed point in action too with Dan and Ammo today, How when 1 is moving around a lot it is so important that the other actor is still, without this the stage becomes a soup as a certtain spanish theatre teacher would say. I want steak and chips, not soup.
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