Quick report from friday that never got filled in.
We played with the rhythm of animals.
First up, cows.
My god i was boring, so were most of us that played the cow.
We then tries a scene with the cow rhythm being that of a barman and it was contasted by customer (playing with the rhythm of a mouse) who had just witnessed a robbery.
I was first up and I was awful.We did this several times, we lacked pleasure to play the cow, my note was that the voice was so boring.
"I was concentrating on the rhythm of the cow" I say to Monsieur Gaulier.
"Concentrating, oh yes, concentration is not good, eez for academics."
Note to self, don't concentrate, find the pleasure.
Don't manufacture it, discover it, what do I find the most fun? This is the question.

Next up a choral exercise, trying to lead a chorus of cows.
Julia leads a chorus of mice, she gives a lot Julia, is light and playful and when she is in major she takes it.
Philippe: "Everyone around Mak, I am the cow coryphea. When we were up there I was thinking pick me to lead, pick me, I want to show you how good I can be as a cow leader. Bad mistake, I was so boring.
Philippe is slumped in his chair resting his drum hand on his cheek, he looks the most bored I think I've seen since classes began. The longer it goes on the more bored I get.
Second note to self, stop trying to be good, you don't take any risks, you bore yourself and everyone around you.
Maybe I'm not cut out for cows.
I was so tired on friday, physically and mentally knackered.
I thought that a cow would have been representative of my energy level, but no, i see that the cow is way above me.

Next we also tried playing with the rhythm of a dog again i was awfulI start to copy what my friends are doing.
It's over before it has begun. I panic and then give up. I might as well commit Hari Kari. I started the exercise and immediately i was thinking oh my god this is rubbish, what am i doing and hey presto da daaaaan! I was rubbish.

Philippe says, "You seet, you say to your friend, no friday is not my day. Ah Friday, friday, friday"

It's long been a problem of mine, listening to the inner critic, got to find a way to kill him because if i don't then he will surely kill me.
But how to silence him, that is part of my work.
In a way he is good because he helps me, what I need is to change my thinking about him, think of him as my friend, like monsieur flop "Ah my little one, be careful you are brginning to bore us, you better change quickly."
To be bad and yet remain optimistic.
To be bad and turn in a different dirction.
To be bad and find something new.
Rather than to be bad and think yes, I am bad, I am terrible, I don't know why you would even want to look at me now, if I were you I would leave and ask for your money back on the way out.
To be bad is good in this school, we are bad and by being bad we will discover something.
As Philippe says, "To be bad is the secret of the school". I get that in my head but like several people I still don't want to be bad and yet here I can be, I need to embrace that and learn from my mistakes, they will surely shape me into a better performer.
I still have so much to learn.
And yet speaking of I or me seems to have missed the point as I understand it so far. I won't discover anything through me, they will be found through something else, through a colour, an animal, an element or a material if I have fun with it.
Everything moves and everything can move the actor.
He should never be alone on stage.
As Philippe said a few weeks back, "the actor has to be carried by something".
Carry me, so that I can carry the audience.