Feeling tired right now, especially tired of flopping in clown, There is no pleasure in me right now and that is the key to having fun on stage as clown. maybe I should eat chocolate before I go out on stage.
AY ay ay
Playing with earth, no I didn't find anything today except that I was boring today. I keep being tough on myself about this.
Luckily Philippe talked aboot this in answer to another students question.
I can't quote exactly but it was something along the lines of you don't have to be good, you have to be bad and to discover, the secret of the school is that we are bad. We need to stop worrying about being good rather we go out to discover something beautiful in ourselves through something else.
His words are so inspiring but the difficulty is in trying to put them into practice, I don't know I'm just tired I guess and without much energy.
I want to say its fine, but its not, I'm not fine, I'm swimming in the shit and I can't get used to it, but then maybe that's why I'm here, to get used to the shit. Just somedays you need more than shit. Or maybe not, Don't flowers grow in shit? Roses from the manure? I got to grow.
I'm tired of being small and going through the motions I want to be big and beautiful. Something special from myself.
Maybe I just need to relax.