A much needed weekend of loafing around the house, yes i had a lot of marking to do for uni but thats well underway and should all be inon time.
Phew!
New workshop day today, the Neutral Mask.
I've done a couple of intensive workshops in this before and the work always surprises me, today the biggest surprise was the masks that Philippe used, white plastic copies of the sartori masks.
He can see the faces better apparently.
Not sure what I've noticed in others but for a couple of seconds I felt something out there.
Presence.
As if I was moving the room somehow, very difficult to explain though, it was either a brief moment of vertigo or else something other.
Like I say I can't really explain it.
On reflection I think that I was trying to recreate the work I hae done with other teachers and maybe that was what Philippe spotted when he said that "Mak!(No thats not a typo) Mak! Sometimes he has something, sometimes he is tall sometimes it falls, sometimes it is actor studio of my balls."

It is the something that I need to discover, the great unknown. Is this something presence? Is this something living in the moment? Is this something the sense of openness that we actors strive for? Is this it?
Seeing the world anew, being enchanted by life, tapping in to life and its flow.
And to do this on stage, is this not the real power of actors?
Not to moralise about society through new writing, scrutinising systems with intelligent texts penned by bright young playwrights. No!
Is not the reason we are dangerous our capacity to live in the moment infront of an audience. For if we can do this and at the same time show our audiences beauty and love then maybe they won't stand for ugliness, fear and hate anymore?

Woah.
Oof!
Sorry I just tripped and fell off my soap box.
What will i discover on this neutral mask journey?
I don't know but when it all finishes the real adventure begins.

Clown
trid a number with thomas, it flopped, he owes me a beer.
Philippe said that when we come out we sell ourselves as bad students. we don't pretend that we are good, even though we are bad.
I tried to tell him that when i got out it felt awful that the audience don't laugh. that i felt bad.
He said "Then you are not clown and you don't understand what i say."
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
He got us to both go off and re-enter and say "Philippe I understand completely" I did
"Not loud enough"
I said it again louder.
Laughter from the floor.
Something happened a suppressed half smile crept on my face and I felt lighter, like my mind was hovering somewhere in the space above me.
Strange to say I know but thats the only way I can think of describing it right now.
"In zis way you can discover something"
Holy fuck, what does that mean I have to have an out of body experience every time i go on stage.
But then I guess that's what it is. I am using me but at the same time I am not me. Not the day to day Mark that goes to Carrefour to but a birthday card and some biscuits, nor the same Mark that worries if my filling is goiing to fall out while I'm in France away from an NHS dentist and have to pay hundreds of Euros to get it sorted, non. I am me times funny or me times stupid or me times ridiculous.
Now the question is how do I find this me again?